Forgiveness is the ability to break your shackles of bitterness and resentment. It is the ability to toss out the yoke of guilt, shame, and blame. It is the gift you give yourself to be free. Forgiveness is HEALING from your past wounds. It is necessary otherwise you’ll keep on cutting the next person who has no role in your wounds. If we don’t forgive, we continue to dwell in Hate and bitterness and create that vicious cycle of hate and discrimination.
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Forgiveness does not mean allowing people to walk all over you over and over again. It is necessary to take the bitterness away because bitterness does NO GOOD but do not forget about who and what hurts you otherwise you’ll fall into the same trap/vicious cycle of blame, shame, and guilt again.
Be very clear about your non-negotiables, be it with friends, family, clients, colleagues, etc. For example, if you abuse me mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically, I may not be your friend anymore.
If you take advantage of my kindness, I may connect with you no more. If you cheat and discriminate against me because I look different, I may not buy from you again. Communicate clearly what you won’t tolerate in a relationship, and if they are not ready to mend their ways, distance yourself from such people because a true connection adds value to each other not pull each other down. A relationship is not a one-way street.
As a northeastern living far away from my state, I face racial discrimination, name-calling, and being cheated on by random people on the streets, the rickshaw wallas, the vegetable vendors and shopkeepers, etc. because I look different. If I do not know how to forgive, I may want to treat people from outside of my community the same way they treated me when I come back home. But I make sure that hate stops at me because “Hatred breeds Hatred” But I make sure hate stops at me because “Hatred breeds Hatred”. I also realized that we didn’t get to choose how and where we would be born so no one has any right or authority to discriminate against us based on our geographical origin, skin color, race, community, etc. Sometimes, we want society to change but we do not want to change ourselves. Society is a web of social relationships made up of individuals. So, do not think that your contributions would mean nothing because the individual contribution is huge, let the world experience the ripple effect of your Positivity.
Forgiveness is not easy but you’ve got two choices:
- Carry the heavy load of your resentment, anger, and hatred and become the victim of your bitterness giving people the key to control your life.
- Give yourself permission to let go of the bitterness, toss out the yoke of hate, guilt, anger, and shame, give yourself the gift of freedom, and move forward.
Forgiveness is necessary because it is not about others, it’s about you. The person who did you wrong may not even have any remorse, in a worst-case scenario, they may feel satisfied by justifying their action. So why punish yourself? Sometimes, forgiveness is painful because we expect people who did us wrong to feel guilty and apologize to us.
I am not dictating you to forgive but if you choose to forgive, I will teach you the method of how I was able to forgive myself and others who wronged me. I did this exercise with my knees knocking, my body shivering, and crying my heart out because I knew I needed to let the poison go out of my system.
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- Think about 7 things you want to forgive yourself for. Take a bath in the morning as soon as you get up. While you shower, and as the water passes down your body, say to yourself 7 things you want to forgive yourself for by calling out your name first. Think about your favorite person whom you can forgive no matter what they do to you when you say this forgiveness exercise because if you realize you are doing it to yourself, you may start judging yourself and won’t be able to finish it.
For example, I do it like this:
- Paveinai, I forgive you for staying in a career that is not meant for you for too long.
- Paveinai, I forgive you for saying yes when you should have said no.
- Paveinai, I forgive you for putting up with all the abuses just because you want to be accepted.
- Paveinai, I forgive you for judging yourself.
- At any point in time, the bitter memories come swinging, and try to stab your heart again with that sharp bitterness, be quick to say, Paveinai, I have already forgiven you, don’t be hard on yourself, and then embrace yourself.
- Write 20 nasty things about the person you cannot forgive, imagine that person is in the same room with you and say it loud and clear and forgive them. I get to know about this from a holocaust survivor.
You can do whichever exercise works for you but I chose the first two and they worked for me.
I use water in the exercise because the spiritual aspects of every religion or culture use water as a symbol of cleansing and it works wonderfully for me.
Life is about being able to forgive the seemingly unforgivable. Forgiveness is necessary because if you learn to forgive, you’ll know how to turn your wounds into wisdom. I want to encourage you to forgive yourself so that you’ll be free. Take that leap and forgive so that you may fly.
You are Worthy
You are Loved
You are Enough
I love you all!!
Your sister in Grace and Possibility.