My mother would often say, even though all of you are from the same parents, every one of you has different mentalities. Some of you won’t obey if I confront you and some won’t do it if I am too easy and kind to you. I must deal with all of you differently.
Regardless of what culture people come from, there are 3 categories of people.
1. The Nice people:
They are the kind of people who will do what you ask them to do. They don’t want conflict so avoid wallowing in any kind of argument and avoid complaining. They are ‘ok’/yes’s people. They think it is outrageous to create any scene. They are the ones who have a hard time saying no to people and often guilt-trip themselves and allow their mouth to break their backs when they cannot finish their work to all their yesses.
How to deal with them?
They are not your problem but you have to treat them and make them feel important because if you don’t, they’ll feel rotten inside. It is your responsibility to treat them right because they deserve to be treated that way. The moment they realize they are taken for granted; they’ll back off. That’s the day you will lose credibility in their eyes and they’ll stop supporting you.
2. The “Why” or “What for” kind of people:
They are the kind of people who are looking for a point. They don’t have any problem challenging your expertise or authority nor afraid of the consequences. It doesn’t make sense to them until they know they’ll get some benefits out of the other person. They are often nit-picky but are interested in how the deal may benefit them.
How to deal with them?
There is no point in resisting their questions. So, consider the whys as an opportunity to explain, educate, provide a deeper understanding, and gain respect because they are not the kind of people who will do it the first time you ask them to do it.
Allow them room for their questions. If you appreciate people’s dignity and healthy suspicion, you’ll free yourself of the knot in your stomach that results from answering their questions. I used to struggle a lot dealing with difficult clients and become resentful sometimes. But when I learn to shift my thinking from resistance to appreciation, I am less tense and things get interesting.
3. The timid:
They care about their reputation and saving face in front of you esp. if you are in authority or are more successful than them, so they will maintain and act like nice people but their character is more like the difficult people. They are the most dangerous kind of people. They can’t stand other people’s success. They will say yes to whatever you say, compliment you, and even appreciate you but they’ll come back and stab you from your back. They are the ones who pretend both of your relationships are going great but bitch about you to your boss or anyone who will listen. They are hard to detect, don’t like being told what to do, do not like authority, and yet don’t have the guts to challenge you.
When I used to lead small organizations, my class during my school and college days, or even when I mentored my mentees, I often encountered this kind of person.
How to deal with them?
Honest Confrontation is necessary sometimes so that they are stripped of their camouflage. There were times when in the middle of instruction, or class, this type of person will mutter “This is crap.” I would ask them, what’s that you said? I’d like to know. If they try to laugh it off or pretend not to hear what I ask of them, I would persist in saying explain me better so I can assist/explain you better. That will stripe the timid of his cover and now he has to shut up or make a legitimate question. If he doesn’t then he loses his credibility in front of his friends.
Confront them honestly in the face. Tell them privately that if they continue to do the same thing, you will have a problem because you will not put up with their behavior. But avoid sniping them back and resisting the urge to gossip about them because they are more adept at what they are doing unless you are timid. If you are not in the same category, there is no point in trading your dignity by playing the same kind of games they are playing.
They will either realize their tactics don’t work with you and give up or they’ll find someone else to bother.
Identifying the different types of people is fundamental to communicating effectively. You can turn on your emotional intelligence to understand people better. Because the same method doesn’t work for everybody.